Dear Jamer,
I’ve met a girl, wish you could have met her. She has so much energy. I don’t know if you’d like her or not, but i like to think that you’d approve.
I’ve been thinking a lot about you recently. Everyone says it gets easier. For me it comes in waves. I’ll be on the train just staring out the window and a song you gave me will come on and i just tear up and sometimes i just can’t stop. I don’t know why but part of me still feels so guilty. I feel like i left you. like i left everyone. like i’m still here in japan because i’m running from life. sometimes i can’t help but think that things may have been different if i was there that night. i know it’s not good to think like that but i honestly can’t help it. thank you again for everything youve given me. because of you i feel so human now. more than ever.
r.
September 11, 2010 at 10:38 am |
we all run from life, what matters is that we do it together. looking at pictures from stupid crap we all did always rocks my understanding of what reality now is, it just doesnt seem like an acceptable dimension where j$ is not there alongside us. there are countless stories i wish he were here for me to tell because i know he’d get a kick out of them and at the same time those incredibly difficult and terrifying times which only he could understand. i remember we’d joke about how we’d try to corrupt and warp each others’ worthless kids later on in life, i think thatll be something ill never be able to accept as a lost opportunity. theres just too much that we were all going to see and experience and fail at before we left this earth. i keep hoping youll turn up somehow, in a bug or an animal or even some super obese ugly chick, but im still searching. hope all is well up there, and that youre enjoying the unimaginably pathetic ballet that is our lives.
pz out je mis